On Resolutions

I’ve been struggling to write for a few weeks now. I swear, that is such a standard Steph thing to say. At any given point in time I’ve got a list of bad habits I need to kick, good habits I need to start… But those all go to the wayside in the rush of daily life, much like this blog.

The truth is that I’ve been in a haze. While school is flying by, life seems to have slowed to a crawl. I feel like I’ve been stuck in limbo (in SO many aspects), and I’m working through it. But that’s absolutely a process.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking to someone who, previously, I had never really spoken to… Ever. We were out for coffee the other night when she said something that’s really stuck with me: “You’ve got to take time to love yourself.” 

Self love: seems like something you hear about all the time anymore. For some people, maybe it’s looking into the mirror each day and saying something that they like about themselves. Maybe it comes in the form of waking up 30 minutes earlier than usual and enjoying a cup of coffee instead of gulping it down while on the way to work. Maybe it’s dressing up nicer than usual, just because.

In my own life, self love is a difficult topic. But I’m ready to try it out, because let’s face it. If I’m going to be stuck here in limbo, I might as well do something useful with the time. I’m trying to be nicer to myself, trying to squash out the voice of my inner demons, and trying to find a way to be content with the hand I’ve been dealt.

It’s not easy. I don’t know that it’ll ever get easier – I don’t think it’s one of those things that comes more naturally with time. But I’m trying, and that’s enough for right now.

I’ve never been good at New Years resolutions. I think there’s too much pressure on an individual to make drastic, life-altering changes in January simply because the whole world seems convinced that a new year will bring an opportunity for improvement. But why wait? Who said that you can’t turn to a new page right now and make a resolution with yourself – not because it’s the appropriate time of the year, but because you’re worth it?

So here goes: My September resolution is to pick me, choose me, love me. To recognize that it’s okay to not be okay in this moment. To be gentle with myself. To grieve when necessary, cry when necessary, and celebrate always.

Because the human condition is spectacular, and I don’t want to let another moment slip by unnoticed.